pain in silent.

im afraid to talk to anyone, i doesn't want to look weak, i dont want to be assumed to be over manja or what so ever, i really dont want my parents to worry all day long just because of my tears and hardships. i want to look healthy, i want to look brave and bubbly  i really want  my parent laugh happily when we're on call.

i'm afraid. my thoughts ran wild. i do have flaws. i means flawssssss. 

im totally freak, a girl with a jelly heart and super ridiculous thought of all the time. come with medium level of brilliance who are always careless in exam hall. i cry more than newborn baby. my HOMESICKNESS is my major weakness.  i don't know how to protect myself from fall into a trap, totally loser at socializing. i'm fail to make friends with my own race. shame on me!

i told my self frequently, so harsh! so harsh! I NEED TO BE STRONG. BE STRONG.  since there is noone to reply me, This is where i stand. miserable me. 

reminded myself, i am bless, i am lucky enough. im not diagnosed on anything serious( except for my serious homesickness). im lucky to have my dad and mum as my parents. both of them never complaint even a sec about me and my homesickness. then keep on motivate me, keep on treat me, keep on heal me. YA ALLAH, betapa bertuahnya saya.

mampukah bapa-bapa yang lain drive sejauh johor-penang every week just to ensure his baby girl can have a batter life. mampukah bapa-bapa lain muncul keesokan harinya selapas mendengar tangisan si anak apabila si anak perlukan physical support darinya even perjalanan nya sejauh penang-johor. mampukah emak-emak lain mengupdate si anak setiap hari without fail even anak nya sudah berumur 21 tahun. mampukah emak-emak lain menyediakan stock makanan bagi si anak sebanyak mungkin ketika berada jauh, mampukan emak-emak lain tidak merungut walupun sekali setiap kali si anak menghadapi masalah HOMESICK nya yang berlarutan selama hampir 4 tahun.  saya bukan dari keluarga yang kaya dengan wang ringgit. tapi saya rasa sangat bahagia apabila keluarga saya sangat kaya dengan kasih sayang.

 I had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardship that my abah and emak went through in order to get me to where i started. i must remember this always. as i try to think positively over the pain. So this is nothing. i still can count my blessing. This is just a temporary pain that can be heal! insyaAllah. DIA hanya menguji saya.

 

p/s: abah datang lagi after one week just to keep motivate me. to let me have a batter life here in uthm.

ilovebothofyou. abahemak.